'It is a pretty good rule of thumb in life that our circumstances reflect what we have been paying attention to’ Mark Forster

So as you look around you at your life, your home, your friends, your relationships, your career and your workplace –

• what do you notice that you’re pleased with?
• and what do you notice that you’re frustrated with, disappointed by or finding dissatisfying?

Make 2 lists

From the ‘what’s going well list’, decide what you could give a little less time and attention to without reducing your overall satisfaction.

From your ‘what’s not going well at the moment list’ identify your top 3 priorities for increased attention and decide on 3 small actions to take in each of those priority areas.  For example phoning a friend to arrange a time to meet, tidying a drawer, getting out your CV to look at, shopping for some fruit and vegetables, going for a walk, etc.

Plan when to do each action and make sure you do something on each priority within the next 24 hours.

Notice how much happier and in control you feel now that you’re doing something about those neglected parts of your life!

Choose how you ‘spend’ time

Think of time in the same way as money – a resource to exchange for things you want and have meaning for you.

Budgeting with money means deciding on priorities – for example, do you ‘buy’ security by saving, or do you buy items you want now? 

With time, are you happy to spend according to the attraction and demands of the moment or do you have a particular goal or vision you want to invest in achieving?  

 Unlike money, where we can take credit, the only time we have available is the very moment we’re in.  Spending that moment doing one thing means we can’t spend it doing something else.  Viewed that way our life is a sum of how we choose to spend or moments. So, what are the most important things, people, experiences and achievements you want to spend your time on?

Why not decide that for today at least you will consciously choose how you spend your time (your life) and that you will only spend it on things that are important to you…

Tomorrow is another day and another decision…

Be happy

If you know what makes you happy, why would you put your time and energy into doing other things?

When you do feel happy everything seems to run more smoothly and with less effort - problems disappear, people are cooperative, traffic lights are at green and parking places appear just when you want them! 

Although it’s maybe in our culture to be addicted to struggle, endure problems and subscribe to a ‘no gain without pain’ philosophy, look at your own real life examples – are times like these really when you are producing your best work? Or being your most creative or sociable?

As an experiment, decide to do more of what makes you happy and notice how much easier your life is…

If you’ve lost touch with what does make YOU happy (rather than what other people or the advertisers say should make you happy), what fun you’re going to have finding out!  Be curious and open-minded as you try out different things to see what you like.  Keeping a ‘Happiness Journal’ will help you to both keep focused and track your most enjoyable things.

You could list your pleasures randomly or by context, for example ‘On a Saturday I most like to…’ or ‘When it’s raining I like to…’ or ‘In a spare 10 minutes I like to…’

Just have fun finding out and aim to do at least 2 things every day just because they make you happy.

Positivity brings many benefits

‘Optimists’ are happier, have better health and live longer than ‘Pessimists’; they also have more fun and they’re more fun to be with.

The good news is that optimism is a habit and can be learned!

At this time of year choosing to be bright and sunny can take a little more focus and effort, so to get you going here are some ways of generating and enjoying more of those positive feelings:

• Choose to think about the future (not past or present worries or problems) – a place where you can choose absolutely anything and everything you want…
  
  
• Put your time and attention into achieving positive goals – things you DO want to experience and accomplish.
  
  
• Consciously look for the good in every situation.  Pollyanna has had a bit of bad press (who hasn’t?), but silver linings are always there, just a bit hidden sometimes…
  
  
• Be grateful for all the good in your life – the beautiful sun rising, the mist on the fields, the daffodils coming out, the hug from a friend, that you slept well, a good conversation – they don’t have to be big or extraordinary things.
  
  
• Smile at people – and they will most likely smile back to you!
  
  
• If disappointments or mistakes do happen, think about what you can learn from the situation, work out how to apply it – and move on to focus on something more positive.

 Habits are auto-pilot behaviours that we don’t have to think about because they live in our unconscious mind: to make changes we need to bring them into our conscious awareness.  

So, if you’re not yet in the habit of being as positive as you want to be, start a ‘Daily Positivity Journal’. 

Every night make a note of at least 6 positive thoughts, experiences, actions or observations from your day, and notice how it gets easier every day to tune into and express the positives as you re-set your auto-pilot.

Enjoy…!

Making the New Year a  New Year

 We can start thinking and doing new things whenever we want, but there’s something about the start of a New Year on a new calendar that invites this newness.  Maybe it’s something of the promise of writing more beautifully in a new exercise book at school, wearing new clothes or living in a new place.  The secret is to commit to changes you want to make rather than tinker with changes you think you should make.

So, how do you identify the things you really want?

1. Take a little time to be still and quiet
   
   
2. Ask yourself what you want.  This is important because questions (as opposed to statements) really set our minds exploring and thinking… For example you might ask yourself – ‘what do I want to do differently in 2008?’; ‘how can improve my long-term health and fitness?’; ‘what could I start doing to make my life more satisfying and Balanced?’; ‘how can I create more fun in my life this year?’; ‘where can I contribute more?’; ‘what new things do I want to experience or learn?’
   
   
3. Wait for the answers.  Beware of noisy chatter in your head that gets in the way by saying ‘you should… lose weight, get fitter, go back to college, make new friends…’ or the doubting voice that instantly squashes your dreams and thoughts with ‘ but you can’t do… or have…’
   
   
4. Having listened to what you really want, write it down clearly and positively.  Imagine what it will be like when you have achieved each of the goals – make them as real as you can in your mind…
   
   
5. Now think about how to turn each idea into a plan and decide on small clear actions that will take you towards you goal.
   
   
6. Start right now (or at least within the next 24 hours) to make best use of the energy you’ve just created and build your momentum.
   
   
7. Notice and enjoy your progress as you move towards achieving and experiencing the new things you want in your life.

Being perfect...
...is stressful, very time consuming and often impossible!!  And because perfection is seldom attainable, striving for it can lead to procrastination and under-achievement as well as frustration and an ever-growing To Do list.

Release yourself from the grip of perfectionism by -

• Identifying the key activities in which you want to invest time, effort and high standards.

• Setting customised ‘fit for purpose’ standards for different situations or pieces of work – often ‘good enough’ is good enough.  Lower-but-good-enough-standards can free up your time to then use on things that your perfectionism has been squeezing out (including relaxing and having fun!)

• Deciding not to be bothered by what other people think of you, and choosing to live by your own standards and expectations
  

• Doing less overall to create more ease and choice in how you spend your time

• What have you been holding off on?
• What do you know and haven’t so far turned into an action?
• What improvement could you bring into your life by doing something new or something different?

What’s the first action to start the ball rolling?
When will you start?

Could you list the things you really want in life? – maybe more time, to learn something new, to get that dream job, to start your own business, to make new friends, to travel, to have enough money so you don’t have to work, to…

• If you really believed that you are capable of achieving what you desire, what would you allow yourself to dream about and aspire to?
• And if you did believe you could live your dream, how would you go about turning your idea into a clear plan for how to achieve what you really want?  What would you be doing?
• And if you did believe this to be true, how much attention and energy would you put into making  your plans work and your dream come true?

Or you could just carry on dreaming and believing that your dream is just that, a dream…
As always, it is your choice.

Keep the holiday feeling going...
Holidays are supposed to be times of rest and relaxation when we can spend more time on what’s important to us.  By definition it is time spent away from our ‘normal everyday life’.
To keep the sense of time, space and relaxed activity enjoyed on holiday it’s important to remember what you go on holiday from and what you particularly enjoy whilst you’re there –

• Make a list of all the pressures and activities you’re happy to leave behind (and maybe dread facing again when you come home)

• Now list what you really enjoy about holiday times

Look at the 2 lists together – what do they tell you?
Decide -

• How could you stop, reduce or at least minimise the effect of, the things that wear you out?
• What pleasurable things could you weave into your normal daily life?

Choose the change that’s most appealing, be creative in working out how to do it easily – and just do it!
Enjoy…

 Putting the two ideas together invites the opportunity of luxuriating in the abundance of the everyday simple things in life – a smile, a walk, time with those we love, good home grown food, doing those things we really enjoy doing…
Choosing ‘Simple Abundance’ as a way of life frees us from the trap of ‘never having enough’.  The rewards of enjoyment, contentment and Balance are achieved through basing our choices and decisions on what we really do need and enjoy in our lives (and not on doing or acquiring things of only transient appeal).
What could you do to experience more abundance in the simple things this week?

Weekends offer time…
       …and not for just time for ‘catching up’ or ‘doing chores’.

What do you want to exchange for your time this weekend?
What sorts of things will -
* bring you real pleasure and satisfaction?
* take your closer to your goals?
* create a sense of control?
* address the parts of your life you feel are in need of some attention?
* mean that you experience your whole life as Balanced and fulfilling? 
– maybe it’s time with friends, reading a book, learning something new, de-cluttering a particular space, creating something new, actively relaxing, taking time to think, planning whole life Blaance using your Life Balance KiT Diary, some exercise…?

Decide on what you most what to do and then focus on how to derive the most satisfaction from the activities you choose - to make your weekend the best ever and so that you start next week feeling relaxed, refreshed and full of positive energy.

A Tip for when you’re feeling overwhelmed or ‘stuck’
Do I do this? Should I do that? - not knowing what to do or where to start usually leads to no action accompanied by a nagging heavy feeling of being overwhelmed and even less motivation about what to do or where to start.
We call it ‘procrastination, and it's quite different from positively deciding not to do something.
Having a practical strategy ready to meet such a situation is very useful, and asking ourselves questions (rather than making statements like ‘I don’t know where to start’) offers an instant easy way into feeling back in control and doing something useful.
The 2 questions to ask yourself are –

1. What’s a useful outcome for me here? - you’re not asking yourself for the perfect solution, just deciding on a direction of your choosing.
2. What small action can I take to start making it happen? - you’re not asking yourself for huge activity or ‘the ‘right’ or ‘best’ thing to do, just some action to start your ball rolling… 

Balance is a way of life
A big part of Balance is about what’s in your head - the attitude you bring to any situation makes it easy or not, enjoyable or not.  Try it – on a busy day, say to yourself ‘I’ve just too much to do!’ and notice how the panic levels rise, then say ‘I have all the time I need to do all I want to do’ and notice how you feel much calmer and able to focus on the task.
The same is true of Balance – it is as much an attitude and way of life as it is a choice about how you spend your time (though it often gets over-simplified and distorted into ‘doing work’ then having to ‘do balance’).
The real key to living a happy healthy Balanced life is in managing your thoughts - noticing and being grateful for what you do have, enjoying the things you choose to do, noticing when something isn’t right (for you, now) and changing it. So,

• what are you are grateful for in your life?
• what pleasures do you reap from what you do?
• what are you less comfortable with? and what do you want to do about it?

Turning these questions into daily habit through thinking, talking or writing will help you make Balance your normal way of life.

To relax – ‘to loosen, to make or become less tense, rigid, strict or severe’ (Chambers Dictionary). 

Actively relaxing (rather than passively ‘flopping out’) counter-balances times of over-pressure and over-structure.  It is calming, focusing and energising.
The question is, what do you do to relax?
Your choice of relaxing activity may be different from that of your partner, family or friends, and it might not involve doing what the media and marketers tell us will make us feel relaxed!
Really knowing how you prefer to relax (as opposed to what you think you should find relaxing) means you can choose well - being tired is probably not your best time to choose your best balancing activities.
So, what do you prefer? 
To spend time alone? Do nothing? Be pampered? Chat? Sit in the garden? Potter? Read? Watch TV? Engage with your hobby? Talk? Exercise? Listen to music? Meditate? Do Yoga? …?  …? 
Choose only those things that most satisfy and most relax YOU!

What is your ‘important thing’ - for now? for today? for this week? for this month? for your life?
If no clear responses come easily to your mind, then it’s time for you to step back from ‘busy doing’ to review and reflect on what you really want.
Give yourself enjoyable time and space to do this… then keep focus on keeping your important thing your important thing.
Balance comes from knowing that you’re matching your actions with your real priorities…

Turning this round, being conscious of positive things and what we DO want make’s us feel brighter and more capable, and those feelings enable us to achieve our dreams and goals.

1. Catch yourself doing any negative stuff (ask others to help if it’s currently an ingrained habit)
2. Tell yourself to ‘STOP!’
3. Find your real goal by asking ‘what do I want instead of this?’ (and listen to your answer…)
4. Work out how to start achieving this by asking ‘What’s the first thing I need to do to make this happen?’ (these need to be a small practical actions such as, 'talk to...' 'buy...' 'make the decision to..'
5. Do it!
6. Repeat steps 4 and 5 until your goal is reached….

• What would be new and exciting for you to do?
  
• Where do you most want to be directing your energy and activity?
  
• What do you need to sort out and maybe let go?
  
• What, where and how do you want to nurture and grow?

• How realistic are my expectations? in this particular context?
• How clear am I about what I really want?
• How clearly have I communicated by hopes and needs?
• What could I do differently to get a better experience here?
• How could I view my experience differently?

How could I use more positive language to describe my experiences? (for example are you viewing the ‘half full’ glass as being ‘half empty’?)
What will you now do or think to experience more positive emotions?

• take you closer to your goals
• bring long term benefit (as opposed to just a short term ‘fix’)
• live out your values, and bring feelings of integrity, self-esteem and confidence

Being conscious of what and how you choose means you’ll say Yes to your current priorities - the decisions that fit you now.  The alternative is be unconsciously running your life on a pattern set up some time ago and which may no longer bring you satisfaction.

Being more frugal
‘Frugal’ is a bit of an old-fashioned word that used to be used to imply lifestyle choices dictated by poverty.
Today’s frugality is more about actively making choices that give you maximum value for the investment you make.
For example, buying something you neither really want nor really need means you’re exchanging an amount of money for little satisfaction.  You could instead have traded it for something more important - maybe savings that give you peace of mind, a night out with friends, help at home or time out).  Or maybe you’re in the habit of giving your time to people or activities that don’t make you feel happy, and you could instead choose to swap it for progress towards your goals, developing important relationships or even going to bed early!
Where do you currently fritter away your time, energy, money or other resources? 
What do you want to do about that?
The clearer you are about what gives you pleasure and what you want, the easier you’ll find it to consistently make high-value frugal choices…

Random Acts of Kindness
If choosing to show kindness to others (strangers as well as people you know) might seem like a funny way of moving yourself towards more WellBeing and Balance, read on -
By focusing on people and things outside yourself and your immediate concerns, you'll feel the good feelings that come with giving to others and the positive glow spreads to warm your other thoughts, feelings and actions.
Why not try it?  Notice where you could help others – holding the door open, picking up a dropped bottle, smiling at strangers, writing a short note to a friend, dropping in on a lonely neighbour, helping your colleague – the opportunities are countless!
And remember be kind to yourself as well – that way you get the benefits of both giving and receiving…
See the Random Acts of Kindness website for more inspiration and information.

• Be specific, imagine yourself being successful and write your Decisions/Goals down in your Diary or Journal. 
• Check - have you got have the ‘right’ Balance of energy invested and outcomes enjoyed across the whole of your life?
• Next turn your Goals into specific small actions and decide when you'll do them.  Write them into your Diary or Planner for a specific day

Enjoy a wonderful week!

Stay in touch with your dreams
When something is really important to you, it is important to you.
Giving up on it niggles away and eats your confidence and energy.
It’s never too late (unless you believe it is…), so get focused on what you really want, get creative about how you can achieve it and just start! (you can work out all the details as you go along).
Regular small steps consistently taken in the right direction (ie what you want) will make your dreams and goals into your reality.
Start today!

Increase your energy
Good nutrition is about the nourishment your body takes from the food you eat.  The eating pattern and type of foods that many people eat  and drink are not necessarily those that give them the best nourishment and energy – they are simply those they’ve got into the habit of consuming.
By recording what you eat and how you feel in a Food/Mood/ Energy Journal for a couple a weeks, you’ll start to notice which foods and style of eating makes you feel good - and which doesn’t.
You then have the choice to eat well and get more out of your life!

Starting the New Year - a message in 2 parts
…to those of you who made and have been keeping to your New Year commitments – well done and keep going small step by small step towards achieving the goals you’ve set for yourself.

…and to those of you who’ve already let your ‘resolutions’ fade away or who missed the opportunity to make decisions about what you want from 2007 – NOW is always the best time to start!  It might be tempting to settle back into the comfort of old habits for another year (even though you don’t really like the results they bring you), but is that really what you want?  If ‘yes’, then fine carry on, but if ‘no’, start your new year today, set yourself a small goal and a step-by-step action plan to achieve it and START TODAY!

Think of time as a budget
Do you tend to start a task and let it take as long as it takes, or fit the task into the time you have available?
Choosing the second way means creating and living within your time budget so there's less chance of 'overspending' and jobs piling up.
And because you're taking control of your time you can 'spend more here' and 'cut back there' to continually match your time with what you want to do.


Decide what to do
Listing 'issues' or 'problems' in your head or on paper without any decision about what action (however small) will start to move you forward makes things feel overwhelming.
Once you've decided on something to actually DO (even if you later change your mind) you'll feel more positive about just getting on and getting it done!


Plan to do less
Decide on your 3 core priorities for the day and commit to doing just those.
Do them fully and with enjoyment.
If you have more time available, decide on 3 new activities for that time and do those.
The result is less stress an a greater sense of achievement.


Do one thing at a time
Do something ... finish it ... do your next thing ...
Sounds obvious, but you'll feel more in control and achieve more with less effort and less stress by working in an organised way.
Start by what your priorities are for the time you have available.


Backlogs drain your energy
So, make a list of all the little things that have been on your Mental To Do List for some time. decide which ones no longer need doing at all (cross them off) and which can be done by someone else (delegate them). Of the rest, prioritise them and allocate a specific time time to just getting each one done.
Enjoy the new feeling of freedom that comes from not having a nagging list in your head.


The 'c' word
There's a big difference between 'trying something to see how it goes' and really deciding that you're going to do something. Committing youself means you're gve it the time and energy it needs to be successful - if you're not going to give it that chance, then why bother?


Clear out your clutter
It's hard to focus and hard to relax in a cluttered environment. So decide what you want to keep and what you want to move on, then set aside time and just get on and sort it out.
The result is calm organised bliss ...!


Exercise...
... is good for your sense of well-being. What can you do this week to take more exercise? Make it something you enjoy!


Ask yourself questions...
Questions allow the mind to find answers whereas statements keep you stuck.
Ask, 'what can I do about this?' rather than say to yourself 'I don't know what to do about this'. Have a go - think of a current problem then compare how you feel as a result of asking yourself the question and giving yourself a statement.


Feel the warmth of the sun on your back ...
and let both your body and your mind soften and relax ...
... ask yourself 'what single simple practical step could I take today that would make my life happier and more fulfilling ...?'
... listen to how you answer yourself ...
... take heed of your own advice!


Take holidays from your mind
Feel the sun on your back ... smell the scent of roses ... listen to the birds singing ... watch the sun setting ... savour the taste of a juicy peach ... Consciously living in your senses for frequent brief periods will give you a free refreshing mini-holiday from an over-busy mind


Live your life on purpose
Think how satisfied you'll feel at the end of the day knowing that you've consciously used your time, energy and resources to create and achieve things that are important to you and the legacy you want to leave in the world. How you use your time is your choice

Recreation - the process of re-creating
Choose recreation activities that really do refresh, restore and re-create your energy and sense of well-being